Weekend Date

Tomorrow night we're meeting a couple for a private date. We met them at a club a few weeks ago, but didn't get to play and they've been chasing us ever since! They are a down to earth, honest and open couple. She is tall, blonde and of an athletic build. He's dark, lean and very likeable. I'm looking forward to having some fun with them, and am really in the mood for some voyeurism, especially as I know Simon likes to watch too.

Lately I haven't really wanted to participate with anyone else. We visited a club last weekend and spent some time with another couple we'd met (talked with, but not played with) before. She flirted with me and had a little play, but I didn't really reciprocate. I felt inhibited, unsure and shy. I just wanted to be with Mr S, both physically and emotionally. I felt like we needed to reconnect. We've suffered quite a lot of family disturbance just lately, anyone with teenage children will probably understand where I'm coming from? And instead of pulling together, we've tended to clash and pull apart. But now I feel we're back on track and ready to bring other people into our recreational lives again.

Up until now I have been very wary of making friends with any of our sexual playmates. Throwing emotions into the mix, for me anyway, tends to muddy and complicate the waters. And so far I've tended to compartmentalise sex and emotions. I'm aware, that even in my vanilla life, I tend to keep people at arms length, letting them 'in', up to a point, which when reached, triggers my shutters, cutting them off abruptly. I do eventually reconnect with them, but as anticipated (and probably intended), the friendship is never quite the same. I know when I'm doing this, but am not inclined to prevent it. I think it may be a form of self preservation, doubting that anyone will continue to like me once they get to know the 'real', complete me? And by shutting them off, I keep a little bit back, no chance of rejection, unless by my own induction.

Anyway, I really like this couple and despite numerous push backs, they keep returning. Hopefully it will be a pleasant return into the lifestyle. So I'm going to proceed with caution, allow the friendship to bloom, but stay aware of the possible consequences.

So spare me a thought tomorrow night won't you and in turn I promise to update you asap ;o) xx

Where have you been?

I was sad, so I stayed away,
I doubted myself, and didn't want you to think me weak.
I had begun to wobble, ever so slightly,
And it was so very far to fall,
From the pedestal you'd put me on.

I was supposed to deliver the goods,
But they weren't forthcoming.
And what was happening to me,
Was too close to my heart, was private,
And was not to share.

Alas, as ever, so full of excuses,
The truth is, I was frightened to succeed,
So I sabotaged myself.
So much easier to cope with failure,
So comfortable with, "just not good enough".

Because after success, what then?
Where would we go, what would we do?
Still I fear it more than ever.
Never comfortable with basking,
The boredom would set in.

But I missed you, I really did. I really do.
And you didn't turn away, kept on coming back.
So may we try again, allow me to please once more?
Climb back up that pedestal, just halfway,
Then slow creeping baby steps to the top?

SnS xx