Today I hate swinging.
It's dirty. As dirty as human shit smeared all over your deep tread trainers, "How you gonna get that out huh?"
It's seedy. As seedy as the pensioner who reeks of piss, pawing over the 19 year old prostitute he's just hired.
It's sad. As sad as the Hollywood legend desperately trying to recapture his youth, seeking the surgeon who will nip, tuck and stretch his body. Ending up a pathetic caricature of a previous self, believing in, "How beautiful the Emperors new clothes look."
It's soulless. As soulless as the job that requires you to robotically punch the same numbers in daily, regardless. tap, tap, tap............
It's degrading. As degrading as lying down and allowing anyone, everyone, to spit their hatred, their despise onto your naked body.
It's just fucked up. As fucked up as half the world living in gluttony, fat, ugly, greed and the other half barely surviving, fighting for food, for clean water, starving, dying.
Sinful. So sinful. I'm dammed to hell. There will be no redemption for me. I will be forced to lay on a bed of flames, as 10ft mechanical dicks split me in half, one in my ass, one in my mouth and one in my cunt. Fucking me over and over again, thrusting, stretching, ripping mercilessly.
Scream, scream, scream as they tear me apart, relentless, on, and on, and on. My body continually repaired, renewed, only to repeat this cruel cyclic gangbang once more, for eternity.
With a sick twisted smile dripping from his face, The Devil whispers, for only me to hear, "Dark dark torture, isn't this what you've been searching for, isn't this what you deserve? I'm just giving you what you've yearned for, but never found. The Devil will always deliver your darkest desires."
Sentenced to swim in a sea of madness, almost losing my mind, pleasure is pain, pain is pleasure, but not quite enough to be completely lost within. Not quite enough for the reality of my infinite fate to be absolved.
Today I hate swinging.
It's endless, it's addictive, seductive and enticing. Promises of adoration, promises of devotion, even if just for a moment, even if it's just make believe, insincere. Maybe this time I'll enjoy it, maybe this time he'll enjoy it. Next time might be different, there's always a next time. There's always someone waiting, someone willing to take you, to suck you, to fuck you.
The seductive allure of unfortold possibilities.
Today, I hate swinging.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Dirty little secret
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4 comments:
I'm sorry your doubting everything so much, and that you hate swinging. I hope things get better for you. Maybe not so that you do it again, but so you don't hate (yourself) so much for doing it.
Just so you know, I don't think what you did was sinful.
Hoping things get better for you.
~Sin
Hi Sin, I don't feel bad, or sinful. Just thought I'd share with you the internal voices that sometimes haunt me.
Today I hate swinging, tomorrow I may love it, I'm a transient soul. Sometimes even I can't keep up with myself!
Whatever you decide about your sexual life is between you, your significant other, and God. But I do want to comment on one of the lines from your poem: "Sinful. So sinful. I'm dammed to hell. There will be no redemption for me."
The "good news" of the bible can easily be summarized by Romans 5.8: "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
God loves you right now, no matter what you've done or how much you think you deserve hell. Sin does not separate you from God's love. God sent Jesus to the cross so that he could take away all of your sins, past, present, and future, forever.
John 3.16: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
"Whoever" includes you, a loved child of God. Ask God to take away your sins, to be a part of your relationships, to be a part of your sex life, and God promises that all things will be made new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I hope this helps, God bless.
Hi Anon, I read your comment weeks ago, but have been pondering all this time on how to respond.
One part struck a chord with me "Ask God to take away your sins, to be a part of your relationships,to be a part of your sex life, and God promises that all things will be made new."
So what if I never get around to asking God, what then? Can I be as sinful as I wish, then be saved even if I ask him on my death bed?
Anyway, I appreciate your comments, you seem a very caring person. xx
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